What's Missing in My Life as a Parent?

Sheila holding Joshua (who has autism) in her family picture

As a parent of a special needs child, it is so easy to put one's energies and attention on what is missing in the normal development for that child.  There is so much to consider, however, especially if you have other children who don't have a disability or special needs and their needs are just as valid as your child with the disability.

• How do you have the energy and resources to meet everyone's needs?  
• How do you parent each child differently and in what ways do you discipline or care for them in the same way?

There are certainly legitimate needs for a special needs child that must, of course, be met to the best of our ability as a parent.  As you would for any of your children, you ensure their health needs, social needs, educational needs, physical needs, and spiritual needs are being met while considering the developmental stage they are at.  It can be an overwhelming and exhausting task, especially if the child has time consuming needs or emotional outbursts that drain you emotionally, physically and spiritually.  All parents need support and the parent of a special needs child may need not only "one hand reaching out" to them, but two, or three or four, or more!

• What kind of parenting supports do you have?
• What kind of supports are you lacking?
• How can you get the supports you need in order for everyone to develop to one's greatest potential?

As noted, there are not only the real needs of the disabled child to consider, but also the needs of the rest of the family, including the parents!  Most special needs parents do remarkable things and somewhere, they tuck in their Super Hero cape but the truth of the matter is, kryptonite is lurking in some form in every family, sucking the life out of the family and stealing the peace and joy.  For some, it may be as they contemplate who will care for their children after they, the parent, have passed away and in this case, their child may still need care as an adult.  For others, it may be trying to find and celebrate their version of a "normal family life", despite the challenges of incorporating the considerations of a special needs child, for example, doing chores as a family while also supervising a child who wanders or has considerable physical disabilities.  It can be frustrating constantly having to put off tasks when a child melts down or is demanding one's attention.

• How do you cope as a parent?
• In what ways are you being filled up and strengthened for the challenges you face as a parent?
• What does your family's "normal" look like?
• In what ways do you balance your own needs with those of your family's?
• What frustrations do you have?
• While considering your child's disability, what would your ideal home life look like?  

Hiring a Christian Life Coach can assist you in moving "from where you are to where you want to be" while raising your family and considering the gift of your special needs child's within your family.  Consider a coach as someone to encourage you as you "strive ahead, keeping your eyes on the prize".

Give me a call today and schedule your free coaching session to determine if coaching can benefit you and your family.  Please also let me know if you are interested in the affordable option of  Special Needs Parenting Group Coaching, which will be forming in the future.

Contact me today:  208-966-4338 or by e-mail:  sheilamh67@gmail.com

The Hunger for Fulfillment

Can you envision your future?

While reading the text, Co-Active Coaching:  New Skills for Coaching People Toward Success in Work and Life, the chapter on Client Fulfillment provides us with some important things to ponder:

Co-active coaching creates a different frame for fulfillment.  It asks clients to look at what it would take to be fulfilled.  And not just "some day in the future" when the goal is reached, but today, because fulfillment is available every day of our lives...Of course, envisioning a future that is even more fulfilling is by itself a fulfilling exercise.  Working toward goals that make the vision real is also fulfilling.  The point is that fulfillment is an exercise of choice and not something that will happen some day...

...fulfillment is a paradox in that we can be filled today and filled again tomorrow, maybe even in a different way, and then be filled again the next day and the day after that.  It is disillusioning to try to capture fulfillment.  "Having" fulfillment is like trying to bottle daylight.

Feeling Good is Not a Sign

...Living a life of purpose, mission, or service can be intense, sometimes heart-breaking and exhausting, and at the same time enormously fulfilling.  The paradox of fulfillment is that it is possible both to have a sense of inner peace and to experience an outer struggle at the same time.

In fact, describing fulfillment may be as simple as this:  Fulfillment is about being fully alive.  Fulfillment is the state of fully expressing who we are and doing what is right for us.  [Clients] describe it as wholeness, satisfaction, a sense of rightness and harmony...

• How is your sense of inner peace?
• What will it take for you to be fulfilled?
• What goals do you have to fulfill your vision?
• How does considering Philippians 1:6  play into your vision for yourself?
  For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

Give me a call and I can give you that space to work out your goals, give feedback, and encouragement as you discover your path toward your vision and the fulfillment that you seek.

I will help give you that "lift" as you work to achieve your goals!

Contact Sheila today for your free inquiry call:  208-966-4338 or e-mail: sheilamh67@gmail.com

 Philippians 4:4-8
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

What Can You Expect in the Coaching Process?

While reading one of my text books from one of my classes to become a Certified Christian Life Coach, I came across a nice description of general measures of competency withing the coaching relationship which may be of interest as you consider what coaching is all about and how it might benefit you:

Objective of high-performance coaching- to assist clients to create new and more powerful "thinking" and "doing" spaces for themselves

Measures of coaching skills for a co-creating powerful thinking space:

• The coach's invitation to exploration precedes and is significantly greater than the invitation to solution.

• The coach is willing not to know where the coaching will go.

• The coach and client create a light and safe atmosphere for exploration, experimentation, and challenge by both coach and client.

• The coach and client create a space for contemplation and deeper thought.

•  The coach and client create a space for free sharing of each other's instincts, feelings, and truths and feel privileged and gifted in that sharing.

• The coach and client become learners from each other and freely share that learning with each other.

• the coach and client connect past lessons to new learning and create continuity between the client's past, present, and future.

• The coach and client see the totality of the client, the client's growth in the coaching process and the client's growth in greatness, and continually relate that toality to creation of the client's future.

          Measures of coaching skills for co-creating powerful "doing" spaces:

• The coach and client create a space of focus and creativity that allows the client to identify, articulate, and be accountable for high-leverage actions.

• The coach and client create a space of informed risk-taking that allows the client to stretch the boundaries of what he has done before.

• The coach and clent continuously hold and revisit goals so that the client's actions have direct impact toward specific goals.

• The coach assists the client to evaluate actions within a systems viewpoint, examining intended and potential unintended consequences.

• The coach assists the client to develop both situational and non-situational decision-making criteria that will serve the client in determining what action to take and when.

• The coach will assist the client in determining when action learning is called for.

• The coach will assist the client to create plans to achieve both immediate wins and long-term accomplishments that align with the client's desired external and internal results.

• The coach and client will assist each other in recognizing the time for change in goals, plans or actions.

• The coach will assist the client in designing actions that leverage the client's strengths, way of being, and learning style.

• The coach and client will continually visit and integrate the learning gained from the client's actions and using it to design further action.  

( Law and Ethics in Coaching, by Patrick Williams and Sharon K. Anderson, pp 76-78)

If you are curious about Life Coaching and want to learn more about how you can benefit, please call 208-966-4338 and schedule your free inquiry call today!